An interview with Ms. Marshe’. One of the founders of Sugar Bear Cares

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Q. “You are one of the founders for Sugar Bear Cares Inc. Can you tell me what it is your organization does?”
A. “Well, we haven’t been in effect too long. But our mission is to simply help people in need. We have monthly meetings and our members bring a project to the table, and we try and see what we can do. So far our projects have been, sock, cloths and household item drives for the homeless or women who just received a residence after staying in a domestic violence shelter. We have done activities for the children living in the domestic violence shelter, themed holiday parties. We raised money for a little girl who had heart problems, to get to a treatment center. We collected and donated items and money to a family that lost everything in a fire. We don’t have a specific person or group, just try to help people in need. We are a small group so haven’t been able to do big things yet. But one day hope to.”
Q. “How often do you find people in need?”
A. “So far we have been able to help people in need I would say, every other month or so. When we do good on a fundraiser though, there is always people in need. like last month we were able to help two families.”
Q. “You know, I never heard of an organization that does different things to help others. Why do you all help out that way, instead of focusing on a specific need?”
A. “Yeah, we are new, and there were six of us that started it. We all began just coming together each year for Kidney Dialysis awareness, but all started talking how we wanted to help and do things. We all shared some of the same issues and passions, but we couldnt pin point a specific group. Then someone said, why do we have to help one specific group? Then we figured, we don’t have to. Our direction may change but right now we just want to help people in need.”
Q. “That’s really cool! Why do you help people?”
A. “There is always someone who can use a helping hand. Life can be very hard sometimes. When you are going through things, sometimes you just need someone who cares. My group is just full of caring people who just enjoy helping others. ”
Q. ” How did you guys go about starting an organization? And do you have any advise for anyone who wants to start an organization to help others?”
A. “We had a name we use, the Sugar Bear Crew, as a team each year for The National Kidney Foundation walk we do each year. So first was name, we changed to Cares instead of Crew. Then google is basically the great invention ever. Just started looking into how do you start a charity? The IRS website, and the State Revenue and Treasury websites, both have instructions and step by step guides, requirements, and guidelines, etc. You just fill out forms, file appropriate paper work, and reach out to all the resources that are available for questions. I do though suggest that someone get legal or professional help to make sure they are doing everything right. Luckily there are a few members that have either ran a non profit in past, do taxes or other business related knowledge on our end for help.”
Q. “At the end of the interview I like to leave it open for anything you would like to say, if any, that wasnt asked about, or anything that may be on your heart to say. Is there anything you would like to say?”
A. “Well, thanks for picking me and reaching out to me and us. I am not sure really anything else to add or say. Just that maybe even within our group sometimes people are not committed it seems, or think they aren’t able to do something huge, then they arent helping. So my hope for the world is that everyone understands that if we all stick together and look out for one another, this world would be a better place. Even though we haven’t had much success, just the few projects we have completed, it brings much pleasure to see a smile on people’s faces. To let someone know that someone cares. Anyone can help and do stuff for others, rather it be something small or large.”

After thought: If you think doing something small is not enough, remember this group started by just people coming together and talking about helping others. From talking about it, they grew into an organization and are now helpings others. Even if you give, or do something “small” are not you not helping? If actions speak louder than words, than what does doing something “small” say? Other than, “here is something you need” or “just figured i’d help out” it says “i’m thinking of you”. And any gift, “big” or “small” says that. “I’m thinking of you.” Just for someone to know that they are cared about springs life.


Holiday Surprises!

Recently speaking with a friend, I heard of an awesome way to brighten someones day while they’re working on a holiday. I asked if I could interview my friend and post it here, but they did not want to. This is too cool not to mention though. We spoke about how convenient it is for us to be able to go to the gas station (and other places) on holidays. How nice it is that they’re open during those times when something comes up, you hope they are…during those times when people want to be with their family. And instead of enjoying that time with family, they’re stuck working. My friend said that when they go to gas stations on those special days, they like to buy the clerk a scratch off ticket! How cool is that!? Something that costs as low as one dollar, can bring about something priceless! And, a chance for them to win some extra money.

Managing a fundraiser for a dear friend

If you would like to donate and help Jimmy, the link to donate is here. Thank you

Q. “You organized and are managing a fundraiser. What is the fundraiser is for?”

A. ” It is for my dear friend Jimmy Niklas who is battling cancer and fighting for his life. Due to his illness he was forced to retire from his job. The cost of treatments even with insurance are expensive. I wanted to do what I could to help take some of the financial stress off his shoulders so he can focus on getting better.”

Q. ” How long have you’ve known Jimmy?”

A. “I met Jimmy in middle school. His last name and my maiden name are close alphabetically so we often sat next to each other. So that was about 20 years ago.”

Q. ” How old are you guys now?”

A. “We are both 32.”

Q. ” I’ve heard people say that no one does anything unless they get something in return. Are you asking for anything in helping Jimmy?”

A. “Of course not!! Well that’s not entirely true. I did tell him once the only thing he owes me in return is to live. ”

Q. ” How did you start a fundraiser?”

A. “I’ve donated to others through gofundme so I knew it was a reputable fundraising site. After talking to Jimmy about some of his struggles I decided I wanted to do this for him so I just went online and opened an account for him.”

Q. “Is it easy for you to help people?”

A. “It is. Especially for those who are truly in need. But I can’t take full credit for all this, all I did was open an account. Those who have donated, shared, and prayed for Jimmy are the ones who deserve recognition.”

Q. “What motivates you to help people?”

A. “Just knowing I can. Someone very close to me once told me my worst day is better than someone else’s best day. That really struck me, knowing that even during difficult times there is always someone who has it worse. So with that if we all took a little time to make someone smile, no matter how big or small of a gesture, we could make a huge impact in their life.”

Q. ” At the end of the interview I like to leave it open if there is something you would like to say that was not asked about, or anything on your heart to say. Is there anything you would like to say?”

A. “I just want everyone to know how touched I am by their love and support for Jimmy. And how that doesn’t even measure up to how amazed and loved Jimmy is feeling. Every day he is fighting for his life, some days are more difficult than others, but everyone who has offered their prayers and support have impacted his life in such a way he will always remember and is grateful for each and every one of you.”

Fighting for his kids


If you want to help, and would like to donate to Jimmy, this is the link to donate. Thank you

Q. “Someone has started, and is managing a fundraiser for you. Would you mind sharing what is going on?”

A. “I was diagnosed with stage 4 incurable esophageal cancer…I am basically in the fight for my life…I have 3 young children and I have no choice but to fight for survival for them.”

Q. “How long have you had cancer?”

A. “I was diagnosed on July 9th 2014.”

Q. “Did you know that some one started a fundraiser for you?”

A. “I did after it was already started…I never expected anything like that.”

Q. “Has it helped any?”

A. “It will help when the time comes I’m sure…right now I’m in and out of sleeping so much that I have not really been able to care about much!!”

Q. “For those who do not have cancer, and who do not know anyone who has had it, what are you going through?”

A. “I am on my 2nd round of chemo now…The first time was chemo and radiation…I am all over the place emotionally and mentally exhausted. I am not sure how mad or sad I should feel but I do know that no man, woman, or child should face this, especially alone.”

Q. “Who has been there for you the most through all of this?”

A. “Everybody from my parents, to my family and friends, to my Dr’s, to complete strangers. The help I have received and the people who’ve reached out to just say hi and tell me they are thinking of me and praying for me. It’s been amazing that there are people in the world that are so selfless towards me.”

Q. “For the people who want to help, but do not know what to do, is there any advice you can give them?”

A. “Just be supportive…a simple how are you and hope you are doin well can go a long way. It’s a good feeling knowing people care.”

Q. “At the end of the interview I like to leave it open if there is anything you would like to say. Is there anything you would like to say that wasn’t asked for, or anything on your heart to say?”

A. “I just want to say thank you to everyone who has gone out of their way for me. I appreciate all the prayers and kind words from all these people.”

CHECK this out!


Q. I seen on a local news service, the North Port scoop, a picture you sent while thanking the person who anonymously returned a check that belonged to you. What happened? How did it get lost?

A.It blew out of a vehicle.

Q.Did you think you would get it back?

A.No, we didn’t. We figured it was “gone”. When I got the mail and we opened it and saw that someone actually sent it back we were VERY surprised and very relieved

Q.What fears did you have knowing that someone,anyone, who found the check could access your bank account?

A.Same as anyone else would have felt. How would you have felt if it happened to you?

A.Scared, someone could easily take all the money I worked for. I would be lost, wondering were it would be at. Is is lost? Or did I misplace it? I would be consumed in worry. How long will this effect me? Did someone find it and will wait to siphon money out? I can only imagine how it would effect a whole family, and the ones supporting that family. It would be easy enough to change into a different bank account, but someone returned it! And without a return address! That brings hope, and peace! Because someone did return it, do you feel secure?


Q.It is wonderful when people help each other. In the article from the North Port Scoop, people mentioned about “pay it forward”. What does that mean to you?

A.It means helping someone out, whether it’s paying for person behind you in line, words letting somebody out in traffic, for letting someone go ahead of you at the grocery store, it’s common courtesy, I guess. Or volunteering at church, or with a youth group, etc.

Q.At the end of the interview I like to leave it open if there is anything you would like to say. Is there anything you like say to say to anyone reading this? And, seeing that joy can spring from a surprising turn of events, if the one who returned your check read this, is there something you guys would like to say to them?

A.YES, thank you…. and your parents must be proud of YOU. the handwriting on the envelope & note looked like a young woman teenager’s handwriting. I’m sure we’ll never find out who it was but a big thank you to them. It’s nice to know that some people still have morals and ethics. with all the bad things that are happening in this world between wars and drugs and crime… it’s nice to know that there’s still some real human beings out there

The welcoming umbrella

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After a couple days of rain I drove past this on the public bus stop. What a blessing to see. I don’t know who left it, or why exactly. But I do know, according to the Bible. I Corinthians 13:4-7

“Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.”

Whoever left it was thinking of others. May God bless them.

A Christian missionary

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Q. “Ok, so you’re a missionary?”
A. “Yes”
Q. “How is that you help people as a missionary?”
A. “I give people what they need more than anything else. I take them the gospel. As humans we have an eternal problem, and that’s sin. My goal as a missionary is to take them the truth of the bible and to share with them that there’s a god that loves them. I think most people in this world live with the idea that their god hates them. That they have to do this, this, and this or else their god’s gonna punish them. And the truth of the bible is that there’s a god that loves us, he loved us so much that he died for us, and so I get to be the one that shares that, that great truth with them. It’s called the gospel, the good news. As we do that we’re gonna do everything else we can do for them. You give someone a glass of water it’s gonna help them a lot more listen to what your saying if you do something for somebody, put a coat on somebody’s back, or you give them a meal they’re much more apt to listen to what your gonna tell them, so as we go sharing the gospel we’re gonna do everything we can for people in need so we can get them that one truth that they desperately need, eternal life.”
Q. “I’ve heard a lot of people mention about how, that, God doesn’t do anything for people nawadays, how people say that there’s starving children in Africa, or this and that. Do missionaries take part in that? Do they help those people in those situations?”
A.”Absolutely. Like I said, we’re gonna do everything we can to help people in need, for the purpose of sharing the gospel. The bibles very clear that, who much as been given, the gospel, Gods given so much to us, that we are to do for other people. And so, it would be ridiculous for me to go and try to win somebody to Christ who’s starving to death, and so, to work on their eternal state but just completly ignore their physical state, God has given much to me so I can be a help to them. But again the end goal is their eternal knowledge of Jesus Christ.”
Q. “How long have you been a missionary?”
A. “We have been raising our support for a year and a half. I surrendered to missions when I was fourteen. And so this has been a life long dream of mine to end up in a country around the world doing what I love to do.”
Q. “Have you been anywhere other then India?”
A. “Yes, I’ve taken, like I said, ever since I was fourteen I’ve either been on a missions trip or getting ready for the next one. I’ve been to China a couple times, I’ve been to France, Germany, Burkina faso at west Africa, Morroco, South Africa, any place I can get. I’ll be taking a trip here to Chile next week just so I can learn more about missions so I can share the gospel to more people.”
Q. “Being around the world, do people share the same thought, the same negative thought about God in other countires as they do here?”
A. “What kind of negative thought are you talking about, just that God doesn’t care about them?”
Q. “Yeah, and here it’s, you know, people they bring up about the starving kids, Gods not real, why would he make them suffer, this and that. Do people share that same thought?”
A. “Well like I said the whole world views different. They haven’t been taught about Jesus Christ, they haven’t been taught about the cross, the haven’t been taught about the God of heaven. They’ve been taught about Ganesha, they been taught about Allah, they’ve been taught about all these different gods, and they believe that their god hates them. So it makes perfect sense for, why their gods would make them starve. In India it’s karma, your suffering for what you did in your past life. In India, in many countries around the world I’m sure, they won’t help people in need because It’s their fault there in need. It’s their fault because in their past life they collected so many sins that, they did so many things wrong, and now gods punishing them for that. And so their whole world view is different, and so what we desire to do is change that world view and teach them about a god that does love them. I talked out of the book of Philippians tonight, just because our physical situation isn’t, great, just because we might not have the health, wealth, and prosperity, that doesn’t mean that there’s not a god that loves us, that doesn’t mean we can’t have joy in our life. The true joy, is, Jesus Christ. And that relationship with him.”
Q. “How do people usually respond to that message?”
A. “Like I said you have to change their world view. They’ve been taught since they were a kid, like a person who is Islamic, as soon as they’re born their father wispers in their ear, that they need to…there’s one god and his name is Allah. And so their entire life they’ve been taught about these different gods and so the response is, it’s gotta be a work of god. I can’t save anybody, I can’t do anything, I can’t make them accept Christ, it’s gotta be their decision, all I can do is share the truth. But the truth that I have is powerful, it’s a two edged sword, it can pierce into their heart and the holy spirit can do a work on their heart, and salvation is a work of God. And I just get to be the one to share that.”
Q. “What sets christianity apart from other faiths, or religions?”
A. “Like I said, I think our religion, christianity is a god of love. God has done so much for us. Every hymn we sing, everything we do, everything we talk about the word of god is just full of grace, and mercy, and love. Even in the Old Testament everybody thinks that God was just angry all the time, and he was pouring out his love, he was prepairing a way for salvation to come into this world. What sets us apart, is that we have a personal relationship with our God. I can talk to God right now. I have a personal relationship with him, where God tells me he knows how many hairs are on my head, which for me isn’t very hard, but for other people it’s gotta be pretty difficult. He knows me, he’s concerend about my life, he’s interested in what’s going on in my life. And I don’t think there’s another god out there that would claim that.”
Q. “At the end of the interview I like to leave it open for you to say whatever it is you want to say. If there’s anything you want to say to the viewers or readers. If there’s anything I didn’t ask for that’s on your heart to say. Is there anything at all you would like to say?”
A. “Yeah, I think that, from the sound of the question’s that there’s this idea that just because bad thing’s happen to us it must mean there’s not a god. I think that it’s the opposite. We are broken, from sin. From the time we’re born, we are sinners. We do wrong thing’s, we are offending the holy god of heaven. And so I say when we see bad things happen, it’s a sign of the fallen world. Just two years ago Amber, my wife and I, lost a child. A lot of people would say, how could you believe in a god that would take away that child from you? I say the complete opposite. We are in a fallen world, we’re broken, our relationship with God is broken, because of sin that man has brought into this world, from that disobedience to God. And the great thing about it, is that he didn’t leave it there, he made a way to fix the brokeness. And so the gospels the greatest thing we could ever imagine, is that we get to share the good news of Christ mending this broken world. And so when I see hunger in Africa, I say there’s sin in Africa that needs to be fixed with the gospel. When I see people dying in India, I say there’s need of the gospel. Not lack of God.”
“Thank you.”
“Yes sir.”

Jack of all trades who is a bud

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Q. “What is it that you do to help people?”
A. “Whatever I can do. Whatever the Lord would have me to do. I’ve been blessed in so many areas in my life, things that I can do and abilities that he’s given me, so whatever it is that he gives me to do I do it. Whether it be yard work, minor carpentry, electrical, whatever it is that I can help people be utilized to glorify the Lord thats what I do. That’s what we do. It’s not about me. It’s about helping people, his word tells us to do such things, you know. To esteem other’s better then ourselves and that’s what we ought to do, we put other people before us. You can ask my wife, I mean, there’s things around the house she’s bugging me to fix, that, im helping other people or working around doing other things, but, you know, it’ll get done, it’ll get done, the Lord takes care of me.”
Q. “So other then all of the physical work that you do, would you say that you give a lot of your time to other people?”
A. “When its needed, it goes in waves. Its like a roller coaster ride. You never know what’s gonna happen, I mean, you know, help some other people, you know, widows, and people, like women that can’t help themselves sometimes, that, things that need to get done, it’s not for anything, you just do what the Lord leads you to do. -Anonymous- was a good example, -anonymous- couldn’t do, a lot of things, like cut her grass. I didn’t, I don’t ask for money, if they give me money or whatever, if they pay me that’s fine, I usaully put it back in the offering, or give it to the deacons fund, whatever. I don’t do it for me, I do it for the Lord, he gave everything for me, what I give back is just a small debt that I owe. I mean, i’ve done so much wrong in my life that as far as that goes, I can never give back what he did.”
Q. “What did he do?”
A. “He gave his life for me. He gave his life, he sacrificed himself for me. A vile, vile sinner. I got a birthday coming up, March fifth, on wednesday, my twentieth year as a christian, i’ve stumbled and fell a few times, been dragged, back slidden, on my own accord, nothing that he did you know. And as his child, he takes care of us, you know, chasten you, that’s a thank you for the chastening, cause that’s what a parent does that loves you, is they chasten you. And as his child you have to look forward to it. It’s not an easy thing to do, and it’s not always something that we do right away, but when you see him working in your life, and, you just have to be grateful for it.”
Q. “So do you get anything out of helping people?”
A. “…Satisfaction. I like to help people. My own dad, he had a pretty good heart. He wasn’t a christian, but he came to Christ later in his life. He just had a heart to help people. He was a great example that way. Even friends of mine, as kids growing up he had a burden for them also. Just to, you know, troubled, we were troubled. He’d reach out to em, you know, give em someone to talk to, someone to confide in, you know, and to just be friends with them. He knew the parents, you know, so so. Things that are wrong with people today are based on a lot of that, there’s no friendship and camaraderie with your neighbors, as Christ tells us to love our neighbor. So that’s anybody that your in contact with really, not just someone that lives by you. So, for me I get some satisfaction out of helping people, just by serving the Lord that way in that capacity. Its nothing I do, but it’s what he gives me to do. There’s laws, there’s times when im overburdened even. My wife, she’ll get on my case once in a while because im to busy, so, and then we have to rest, so, but he gives us, to serve.”
Q. “What would the world be like if people didn’t help people?”
A. “Look around, look around. There is a lot of people helping other people for good reasons. And no reasons, I mean, just out of their own hearts, there is people that help. When man does what’s right in is own eyes, he does… he’s selfish. It’s more about you, you, you, it’s about me, it’s not about anyboby else, doesn’t matter. There is a lot of good people around. Some do things for the wrong reasons, everybody, they want to know why do bad things happen to good people, so, there’s lots of reasons. We don’t all understand why things happen to us, hindsights usually twenty twenty, we look at things that happen that are bad, maybe they’re not bad, maybe they’re not bad in the long run, we just have to come through it a little wiser and a little stronger for the Lord. But yeah, there is people out helping. And, the worlds not full of bad people, there’s plenty of em out there, its not full. Heh, Not to capacity yet. More need the Lord, and to just know his love, his passion.”
Q. “Do you think you’ll ever stop helping people?”
A. “When the Lord takes me home im done, from serving him. Im his servant, what he gives me I do.”
Q. “At the end of the interview I like to leave it open for the people to speak their own voice, you know, anything I didn’t mention, if there’s something you would like to say to others, other people who are reading this, is there any advise that you can give, is there anything you would like to say that I didn’t ask for, anything at all?”
A. “If your a good person, come to know Christ, and then you will know your potential. You’ll know what you were created for. He’ll give you a whole different perspective on life, on the world that we live in, and on people in general. Yeah there’s plenty of pure wicked people out there, but there’s a lot of people that are misunderstood, that need the love in Christ. We can’t underestimate that. We can’t put our god into a little box. He’s not a little god, he’s great he created everything that we have, and, that’s what people need. That’s exactly what they need, they need the Lord. He died for us, they need him. Not everybody will come to the Lord, and it’s a shame because eternity is promised to us, it’s appointed once to die.”
Q. “Can I ask you one more question? Is it a coincidence that your name is Bud, and your such a buddy to people? You help out.”
A. “That was a nickname I got when I was a kid, …it stuck, that was it. My dad was nicknamed bud also. But, im not always, as my dad would say, you might not want to be my friend, but you really dont want to be my enemy. I try not to have enemies, friends come and go, enemies accumilate. That’s not in the scripture. But yeah, love the Lord with all your heart, as his servant. Im twenty years young in the Lord, on wednesday. I thank him for it. I was, I can even give glory to the devil in the things that I did, and I know what I deserve. I know some of the bad things i’ve done to other people before I knew Christ, not good, so. I cant make retribution for it, but…”
“Thank you.”
“Thank you.”

A mother who is still helping her son

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Q “You’re letting Sade (Son) live here, (Brenda’s home) do you view that as helping him out? You letting him live here?”
A “Well I view it, yeah definitely it’s helping him out of caurse, you know, sometimes it can be viewed too as a weakness aswell. You know, viewed as a weakness. But i’m trying to give him an opportunity to find his own place, he has a job, find his own place and become self sufficient.”
Q “When you mention it can be a weakness, is that something that you recognize other people will believe it to be a weakness? or, what is that?”
A “Well, im just basing it on, you know, sometimes a lot of people always tell me, well you know, you should let go and just let the cards fall where ever they choose to fall, and, you know that sort of thing, and, you know so that’s really what i’m basing it on. You know, you have to let him be a man, and, you know all that stuff, and live your life, and though I do agree with some of that, you know, I also feel that, he needs to have an opportunity to get some money together to get his own place, not just throw him out on the street like that, no.”
Q “definitely in our society, it’s, usually when a kid grows up to be eighteen, you know, that’s the time to move out. Do you agree with that? Do you think that when they turn eighteen they move out, or is it, they’re always welcome at their parents home?”
A “Well, the way I was brought up, was, when your eighteen you get out. You know, and, I think, I feel that that made me a stronger person, and a more responsible person. Because I knew what I had to do, and I did what I had to do. You know, so you kind’of, made it happen, it wasn’t a bad thing. I do feel that once you get a certain age, yes, you are supposed to, go out on your own, meet the world, and learn to deal in the world. You’re not really going to understand how it works, until you’re out there and you’re dealing with it on your own. Cause as long as someones holding you up, you really dont know. But, once you’re really out there, one hundred percent, paying all your bills, doing everything yourself, you find out very quickly, that it’s not, you know, it’s really hard. So I do agree that at eighteen you should move out, yes. Do I feel that the doors always open to your parents house, I feel once you become a man, no, it’s time to move on. It’s time to do your thing. Because you know, I have a life, and I want to live it, and it’s hard to live it, when you have a man here, in your home. You know, you can’t live your life. So, I believe parents are entitled to their lives too, they raised their children.”
Q “Do you believe that, is that the time in their life, when they’re a man, or if it’s a girl, a woman. Do you think that that time is based off of age? Or is it based off of maturity, or what they know. What is your thoughts on that?”
A ” Well it is, there’s a catch twenty two there. Because ya, it’s based on age, your eighteen, you start feeling like im a man, im a woman, and you start disrespecting your parents home. And stuff like that, and that’s usaully around the time that it happens, it just is what it is, it happend for me. You know, I got, eighteen, I decided I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it how I want to do it I didn’t want to bide by my moms rules, so it was time for me to go. But I also feel that if it’s a situation were they’re like, going to college, or something like that, then that makes the situation a little different, because they may not have the finances to go out on their own, or whatever. So it all depends on the situation. You know, If it’s just, were they’re eighteen and not really doing anything, get a job and get out. If your in school, you’re furthering your education, you’re doing what you have to do, I feel that a parent is supposed to be there until they’re twenty three when they graduate out of school. So the average is eighteen, four years, it’s ok, do your thing, get your job and do your thing. But other then that, if they’re just not going to school , they decided they wanted to work, then eighteen, stand up and do what you have to do.”
Q “How do you think kids would grow up if they didn’t have their parents help?”
A “Well, I think, its definitely a lot harder, you know, because you have to grow up sooner. But I also think that a lot of times because of the society that exists today, a lot of the kid’s think that their parents are just supposed to do that. And they don’t appreciate it. They take it for, you know, you’re my parent you’re supposed to do that, once you turn eighteen, we’re not supposed to do anything. At that point we raised you to an adult, and it’s your responsibilty to become an adult. So I think that because of that, a lot of parents have to, let their kids go, cause their kids just start disrespecting them to a whole nother level. It’s a different society now, when I grew up, I grew up in a house, where, regardless of what your parents said, did, whatever, you shut up, you bit the bullet, and you let it go. You just accept it, im in their house, they’re saying what they got to say, whatever. Where as the young adults now, feel like they’re on the same level as the parents. They feel like, they turn eighteen, now, you might be forty nine, im just as grown as you and I can do what I want to do. It just doesnt work like that, it means you need to get your own place. So I think a lot of parents deal with that, and thats one of the reasons they tell their kids, look you have to go. Because the kids start, just disrespecting.”
Q “So do you believe in tough love?”
A “..Yeah, I do, I do, I believe that sometimes you have to do what you have to do.”
Q “Well, thats it for the questions I have, is there anything, at the end of the interview I like to leave it open for your thoughts, and anything that, people who do read this, is there anything you would like them to know, through your experiences, and helping your child, the age that he’s at now, and your ability to help him out, your love for him. Is there anything you would like to share for those people?”
Q “Well you know, of course, probably a mothers love is stronger then probably any love. Your father, you’re his son, but you know, men have a way of distancing themselves from certain situations. Whereas female, because we are qoute un-qoute, more maturnal, we have more of a kinship sort of thing, it’s a little harder for us in terms of accepting and releasing and letting go. We tend to hold on a lot longer. Because of my upbringing, and the type of person that I am, I started, young, you know, I was out of my parents house, the moment I turned eighteen, literally like, that week I turned eighteen I left. And, i’ve never gone back. I’ve always been on my own. It taught me to be very very independent, very very strong, to weather the times, and to make it happen, i’ve never depended on anyone, I always been responsible for, taking care of, you know, paying the bills, whatever, and if a situstion occurred where I couldn’t, I suffered, you know, in silence. I had to make due with how I had to make due. I was a sinlge parent. I divorced when my son was two years old. So, I had to work, raise him, go to school, you know, everything, and it was tough. But, what I always say is, even though it was tough, it created the person that I am today. Which is the no nonsense, you can do it type of person. You know, meaning that regardless of what, regardless of who, if you put your mind to it, you can make it happen. Don’t depend on anyone else, because, you don’t have that. To be able to depend on other people. And when someone does something for you, appreciate it, and respecet it. Because, these days and times, people are not into that anymore, people are like, get out, go out into the street, and they don’t care what happens to you. You know, it’s like whatever. So, you know, you have to really respect that, because it’s not a giving anymore, now it’s an honor. I also feel that society, has taken away from the parents, in terms of, giving the children more control. You know, with no longer being able to spank them, and all this other stuff. And so what it’s created is this society, where the children feel that they have their equal to the parents. And that..should not..exist. Because you’re being taken care of by someone. You know, unfortunately when you take away the authority of the parents, that’s what you have, is you have a child that thinks they’re just as adult as you, when they’re not. And that’s disrespectful, that they just have no respect. So I think that the reason a lot of parents now are just putting their kids out, is because the kids just dont have any respect for em. And it becomes a battle, them or the child. Back in the day, if your child said something that was disrespectful, you wooped his behind. And it was ok. Now, your child is disrespectful, you woop his behind, he can bring you up on charges, for it. What they do, is they take away the authority of the parents. No im not saying abuse them, no. But, I got beatings. Because I was, a piece of work. Ok, you know, I would do stuff I knew I didn’t have any business doing. So in some cases I deserved those beatings, it didnt..”
Q “May I ask you something real quick? Now that you’re older, and you’ve been through that, and you’re mature now, do you appreciate those qoute un-qoute, beatings, the discipline?”
A “Yeah, I understand why, and I understand that it kept me under control. Because otherwise, I think I would’ve just run amuk, you know now, there was some instances where I felt like, you now, it might have been a little excesive, you know, I mean like, you know kay jeesus, you know, you dont have to go get a hot wheels track. Ok, but you know, like, letting me know this is not correct, this is not the right way to do things. And sometimes you can talk until your blue in the face. But, kids they don’t understand talk at a certain age. So yes, I do think it made me a more responsible person. Yes, yes I do. Abuse, no I do not agree with abuse. I don’t feel that you have to go overboard, and some people do. But I do think that kids need to know. Because your mind is not fashioned around let’s have a conversation and talk about it. Kids are, you know I have a puppy. And my puppy, if i’m like, ok, don’t do that, don’t do that, don’t do that, you know, she looks at you after a while and like whatever. And goes on, but if you’re really stern with it, and a couple of times, a tap, she knows, uh oh, i’m gonna get a tap if i do that, and she wont do it because she knows she’s gonna get a tap. Now it doesn’t mean that you go and get a bat, no. But you know, just a little *smacks hand* don’t do that, and she understands, if I do that, i’m gonna get that tap, and I don’t want that tap. You know, so, at a young age, sometimes that all you can understand. And then when you get older, and you start getting outta line, you need to decide that something else is for you, you know, maybe that this environment is not for you. It’s different now, it’s very different.”
“Thank you.”
“Thank you.”

For the people, by the people